So just remind me, how many times have big-spending Liverpool won the Premiership?

Since the beginning of the Premier League – you know, that same competition we’ve won 11 times in the 17 years it’s been around? – we have spent £411 million (including the £20-odd million worth of signings we’ve made this summer) and Liverpool, considering how substantially less they’ve achieved than us in that time, have spent about £400 million. But, far more interestingly, considering we're apparently supposed to be the Premiership's no.1 capitalist money machine, rather than a football club, who continually buy success (especially since 2006 and the Glazer's), is the truly satisfying fact that, despite fat-boy Manuel’s deluded nature and clear inability to do maths, Liverpool have spent a fair bit more than us over the past 5 years. The intersting stats read:

Manchester United (from 2004 - 2009):

• Spent: £190m


• Recouped: £156m


• Net Loss (Spent - Amount Recouped): £34m


• Average Loss per Season: £6.8m

Liverpool (2004 - 2009):

• Spent: £231m


• Recouped: £120m


• Net Loss: £111m


• Average Loss per Season: £18.5m

So, not only have the Scousers spent about £40million more than us in the 5 seasons we’ve won 3 titles, a European Cup, an FA cup, a Carling Cup, a World Club Cup and been in a further 2 FA Cup Finals and, of course, another European Cup Final; whereas they have only an FA Cup, a European Cup and the final in 2006 to show for there £231million, but also we have gotten back an amazing £156m in transfers (obviously helped quite nicely by the £80m we picked from that unknown Portuguese winger) compared to their £111m. Must be pretty embarrassing, especially considering how they've spent the 2nd most, after Abramovich's Chelski, and they’re the only top 4 side to not have won a Premiership title…didn’t they used to be a big club?

On another note, Gerrard should be banned from the game and made to become someone’s bitch in jail. Now with CCTV evidence showing how shit of a title contender Liverpool really are as their captain can’t even celebrate a victory properly without making a dick of himself, it’d be very interesting to see how the authorities deal with this one seeing as they banned Eric for 9 months, gave him 120 hours community service and fined him £10,000. But, of course, literally attempting to kick racism out of football and standing up to a known thug is obviously WAY worse than beating the shit out of someone in a nightclub because…he wouldn’t let you have a fiddle on the decks. Utter, 100% dick. But I suppose something like this wouldn’t possibly put a “stain on our game” like the one Eric was tried and punished for, would it FA?